Nothing like a healthy dosage of blue balls to get some adrenaline going for the next jump. He should consider himself lucky, even though he might not ever father any children.
Michael Owen isnt the tallest of lads, but his height more than makes up for that. Mark Lawrenson
Even if he had scored for Alaves, it would have made no difference to the scoreline. Jerry Armstrong
Its like the sea of Galilee – the two defenders just parted Mark Lawrenson
Chelsea last won away on April Fools Day – now its Boxing Day, another great religious holiday Dominic Johnson
They’re in pole position, ie 3rd position for the Champions League Mark Lawrenson
The ball plunges up between the two of them as they meet Radio 5 Live
He’s got a great future ahead. He’s missed so much of it Terry Venables
This is a real cat and carrot situation David Pleat
To be a great game, one of the teams has to score first Mark Lawrenson
Theres Ottmar Hitzfield, the two year old Bayern Munich manager Mike Hill
To be honest, i cant remember him scoring a goal that wasnt memorable Jerome Anderson
Andy Cole has at last broken his goal glut with his first goal for England Channel 5
All of a sudden they still keep playing with that flat back four John Beresford
For me their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field Ron Atkinson
They’ve conceded a lot of goals but their other problem is they’ve let a lot in Gary Lineker
Bobby Robson and Sven Goran Eriksson had a meeting before this match. Kieron Dyer will have been the name on two of their lips Metro Radio
(Dwight Yorke’s) white boots were on fire against Arsenal tonight and he’ll be looking for them to reproduce tonight Ron Atkinson
Two-nil was a dangerous lead to have… Peter Beardsley
And it (the ball) just crept either side of the post Chris Kamara
Bayern Munich lost in the semifinals of the Champions League to Real Madrid last year and the year before that they were beaten in the final by Manchester United, so their European pedigree is second to none Simon Brotherton
And Scot Gemmill has put Everton ahead in the big match between the bottom five Steve Ryder
It’s time to get ready for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa. Don’t you just love the excitement of a world cup championship in the greatest sport in the world?
Hotfail will keep you entertained with funny football fails for the whole World Cup period, and we’ll start you off with a massive compilation of everything football is about. Just have a look:
THE AMAZING GOALS! For every beautiful goal, there’s a weird one. Have a look at some of the strangest goals in football, acclaimed not as much for their beauty as for their clumsy importance:
THE INCREDIBLE OWN GOALS: This is such a sad story, evidence that failing can be deadly. In 1994 Colombian footballer Andrés Escobar scored an own goal in the World Cup. You can see it below. Reportedly the goal caused some drug lords to lose a lot of money on gambling, as well as Colombia losing the match and being eliminated from the 1994 World Cup. Just 10 days later Escobar was shot dead by a killer who it was rumoured shouted ‘GOAL’ as he put 12 bullets into the very unfortunate Escobar. R.I.P.
THE CHANCES THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOALS BUT WASN’T DUE TO INCOMPETENCE Failing has no boundaries, and there is certainly no limit to the useless failing of these overpaid footballers. We’ll see more of these in the World Cup; chances so big even your grandma would score on them. These players wouldn’t score in a whorehouse!
THE PLAYERS WHO FAIL TO BE HONEST, OR USE THEIR HANDS, OR BOTH This guy, you’ve probably heard of him, is participating in the 2010 World Cup – as a manager. His name is Diego Armando Maradona but some just call him God. Here is the Hand of God.
THE BONE-CRUNCHING TACKLES It’s no coincidence that if you re-arrange the letters in ‘WORLD CUP’ you get ‘INSANE PAIN’. Or maybe not, but it would have been nice. Football is supposed to hurt; not only for the people watching.
THE SILLY GOAL CELEBRATIONS Some players don’t know what to do when they’ve scored. They run around like struck by lightning until someone wrestles them to the ground. Others have coreographed the goal celebration down to the smallest detail, which is even more embarrassing. Just look:
THE CRAZY REFEREES Let’s face it, even the world’s best referees have a couple of weird personality traits apart from never giving your team a break. Just have a look at this guy, the queen of them all:
THE FOOTBALL COMMENTATORS Some TV reporters and commentators have a fairly relaxed approach to what’s happening on the pitch, at least most of the time. Others are just plain crazy, like this Italian, raised in the South American style of commentating:
THE FANS Failing players, crazy referees, horrible own goals – no humans can be more crazy than the crazy football fan. Already, most eager football supporters are preparing their ears to listen to endless drum beats, whistles, flutes and other noises coming from the crowd. Some fans like to strip. Some like to fight. Some do both, and some just run on the field and live out their dream, like this hero:
THE ACTION-SEEKING REPORTERS Some reporters are always looking for a sensational story. Some are just looking to get their pretty faces accidently hurt:
THE FAILING GOALKEEPERS Every team has to have a man to guard the goal; the poor bastard known as the goalkeeper. Rarely the hero, often the person to get the blame. It’s hard to be the only guy using his hands in a game dominated by kickers. No wonder the pressure gets to them sometimes, and stuff like this happens:
This time, a goalkeeper from Japan is the lucky guy earning his rightful place in the goalkeeper’s hall of shame. His team-mates must have been very impressed. Time for harakiri!
(7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5)
Failed talkers: Funny sports quotes part #5
Michael Owen isnt the tallest of lads, but his height more than makes up for that.
Mark Lawrenson
Even if he had scored for Alaves, it would have made no difference to the scoreline.
Jerry Armstrong
Its like the sea of Galilee – the two defenders just parted
Mark Lawrenson
Chelsea last won away on April Fools Day – now its Boxing Day, another great religious holiday
Dominic Johnson
They’re in pole position, ie 3rd position for the Champions League
Mark Lawrenson
The ball plunges up between the two of them as they meet
Radio 5 Live
He’s got a great future ahead. He’s missed so much of it
Terry Venables
This is a real cat and carrot situation
David Pleat
To be a great game, one of the teams has to score first
Mark Lawrenson
Theres Ottmar Hitzfield, the two year old Bayern Munich manager
Mike Hill
To be honest, i cant remember him scoring a goal that wasnt memorable
Jerome Anderson
Andy Cole has at last broken his goal glut with his first goal for England
Channel 5
All of a sudden they still keep playing with that flat back four
John Beresford
For me their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field
Ron Atkinson
They’ve conceded a lot of goals but their other problem is they’ve let a lot in
Gary Lineker
Bobby Robson and Sven Goran Eriksson had a meeting before this match. Kieron Dyer will have been the name on two of their lips
Metro Radio
(Dwight Yorke’s) white boots were on fire against Arsenal tonight and he’ll be looking for them to reproduce tonight
Ron Atkinson
Two-nil was a dangerous lead to have…
Peter Beardsley
And it (the ball) just crept either side of the post
Chris Kamara
Bayern Munich lost in the semifinals of the Champions League to Real Madrid last year and the year before that they were beaten in the final by Manchester United, so their European pedigree is second to none
Simon Brotherton
And Scot Gemmill has put Everton ahead in the big match between the bottom five
Steve Ryder
Also see: Part #4 – Part #3 – Part #2 – Part #1