Nothing like a healthy dosage of blue balls to get some adrenaline going for the next jump. He should consider himself lucky, even though he might not ever father any children.

Even if he had scored for Alaves, it would have made no difference to the scoreline. Jerry Armstrong

Its like the sea of Galilee – the two defenders just parted Mark Lawrenson

Chelsea last won away on April Fools Day – now its Read more!]]> Michael Owen isnt the tallest of lads, but his height more than makes up for that.
Mark Lawrenson

Even if he had scored for Alaves, it would have made no difference to the scoreline.
Jerry Armstrong

Its like the sea of Galilee – the two defenders just parted
Mark Lawrenson

Chelsea last won away on April Fools Day – now its Boxing Day, another great religious holiday
Dominic Johnson

They’re in pole position, ie 3rd position for the Champions League
Mark Lawrenson

The ball plunges up between the two of them as they meet
Radio 5 Live

He’s got a great future ahead. He’s missed so much of it
Terry Venables

This is a real cat and carrot situation
David Pleat

To be a great game, one of the teams has to score first
Mark Lawrenson

Theres Ottmar Hitzfield, the two year old Bayern Munich manager
Mike Hill

To be honest, i cant remember him scoring a goal that wasnt memorable
Jerome Anderson

Andy Cole has at last broken his goal glut with his first goal for England
Channel 5

All of a sudden they still keep playing with that flat back four
John Beresford

For me their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field
Ron Atkinson

They’ve conceded a lot of goals but their other problem is they’ve let a lot in
Gary Lineker

Bobby Robson and Sven Goran Eriksson had a meeting before this match. Kieron Dyer will have been the name on two of their lips
Metro Radio

(Dwight Yorke’s) white boots were on fire against Arsenal tonight and he’ll be looking for them to reproduce tonight
Ron Atkinson

Two-nil was a dangerous lead to have…
Peter Beardsley

And it (the ball) just crept either side of the post
Chris Kamara

Bayern Munich lost in the semifinals of the Champions League to Real Madrid last year and the year before that they were beaten in the final by Manchester United, so their European pedigree is second to none
Simon Brotherton

And Scot Gemmill has put Everton ahead in the big match between the bottom five
Steve Ryder

Also see: Part #4 – Part #3 – Part #2 – Part #1

Hotfail will keep you entertained with funny football fails for the whole World Cup period, and we’ll start you off with a massive compilation Read more!]]> It’s time to get ready for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa. Don’t you just love the excitement of a world cup championship in the greatest sport in the world?

Hotfail will keep you entertained with funny football fails for the whole World Cup period, and we’ll start you off with a massive compilation of everything football is about. Just have a look:

THE AMAZING GOALS!
For every beautiful goal, there’s a weird one. Have a look at some of the strangest goals in football, acclaimed not as much for their beauty as for their clumsy importance:

THE INCREDIBLE OWN GOALS:
This is such a sad story, evidence that failing can be deadly. In 1994 Colombian footballer Andrés Escobar scored an own goal in the World Cup. You can see it below. Reportedly the goal caused some drug lords to lose a lot of money on gambling, as well as Colombia losing the match and being eliminated from the 1994 World Cup. Just 10 days later Escobar was shot dead by a killer who it was rumoured shouted ‘GOAL’ as he put 12 bullets into the very unfortunate Escobar. R.I.P.

THE CHANCES THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOALS BUT WASN’T DUE TO INCOMPETENCE
Failing has no boundaries, and there is certainly no limit to the useless failing of these overpaid footballers. We’ll see more of these in the World Cup; chances so big even your grandma would score on them. These players wouldn’t score in a whorehouse!

THE PLAYERS WHO FAIL TO BE HONEST, OR USE THEIR HANDS, OR BOTH
This guy, you’ve probably heard of him, is participating in the 2010 World Cup – as a manager. His name is Diego Armando Maradona but some just call him God. Here is the Hand of God.

THE BONE-CRUNCHING TACKLES
It’s no coincidence that if you re-arrange the letters in ‘WORLD CUP’ you get ‘INSANE PAIN’. Or maybe not, but it would have been nice. Football is supposed to hurt; not only for the people watching.

THE SILLY GOAL CELEBRATIONS
Some players don’t know what to do when they’ve scored. They run around like struck by lightning until someone wrestles them to the ground. Others have coreographed the goal celebration down to the smallest detail, which is even more embarrassing. Just look:

THE CRAZY REFEREES
Let’s face it, even the world’s best referees have a couple of weird personality traits apart from never giving your team a break. Just have a look at this guy, the queen of them all:

THE FOOTBALL COMMENTATORS
Some TV reporters and commentators have a fairly relaxed approach to what’s happening on the pitch, at least most of the time. Others are just plain crazy, like this Italian, raised in the South American style of commentating:

THE FANS
Failing players, crazy referees, horrible own goals – no humans can be more crazy than the crazy football fan. Already, most eager football supporters are preparing their ears to listen to endless drum beats, whistles, flutes and other noises coming from the crowd. Some fans like to strip. Some like to fight. Some do both, and some just run on the field and live out their dream, like this hero:

THE ACTION-SEEKING REPORTERS
Some reporters are always looking for a sensational story. Some are just looking to get their pretty faces accidently hurt:

THE FAILING GOALKEEPERS
Every team has to have a man to guard the goal; the poor bastard known as the goalkeeper. Rarely the hero, often the person to get the blame. It’s hard to be the only guy using his hands in a game dominated by kickers. No wonder the pressure gets to them sometimes, and stuff like this happens:

This video is very similar to an own goal created 100% by Norwegian goalkeeper Bjarte Flem, featured earlier on hotfail.com.

This time, a goalkeeper from Japan is the lucky guy earning his rightful place in the goalkeeper’s hall of shame. His team-mates must have been very impressed. Time for harakiri!

We like the short videos. Four seconds of pure football pain. In your face, biatch!

Rumours has it pole vaulting was invented to cross obstacles, like water. This guy would not have crossed many obstacles.

“Gomes has scored four goals for Portugal against Andorra, including a hat-trick” Bill O’Herlihy

“He could have done a lot better there, but full marks to the lad” - Ron Atkinson

“(Ravanelli) was unlucky … or was it just bad luck?” - Des Lynam

“He’s got his legs back, Read more!]]> “England won 5-0 with Arsenals Francis Jeffers scoring the winning goal”
Channel 5 News

“Gomes has scored four goals for Portugal against Andorra, including a hat-trick”
Bill O’Herlihy

“He could have done a lot better there, but full marks to the lad”
- Ron Atkinson

“(Ravanelli) was unlucky … or was it just bad luck?”
- Des Lynam

“He’s got his legs back, of course, or his leg – he’s always had one, but now he’s got two”
- Bobby Robson

“Thats the way to nail the record to the mast”
- Glenn Hoddle

“You only get one opportunity of an England debut”
- Alan Shearer

“Theres going to be four or five teams battling for the top 6 spots”
- Chris Waddle

“… the midfield is outnumbered numerically”
- Ron Atkinson (again!)

“Its getting tougher, teams are beating other teams left right and centre”
- Glenn Hoddle

“We want a draw or as close as we can get to one”
- Berwick Rangers Fan

“Its a tough month for Liverpool over the next five or six weeks”
- Alan Green

“Aston Villa are seventh in the league – thats almost as high as you can get without being one of the top six”
- Ian Payne

“… and Tottenham ice their sublime cake with the ridiculous”
- Peter Drury

“I’m not going to drag it out and make a point, because points are pointless”
- Simon Jordan

“Their away record is instantly forgettable. The 5-1 defeat and 7-nil defeat spring to mind”
- Radio 5 Live

“We have to be careful not to let our game not be the game we know it should be”
- Paul Ince

“Theres a few tired limbs in the blue legs”
- Ron Atkinson

“Phil Thomson is Liverpool through and through. He’s got red blood running through his veins”
- Radio 5 Live

“I have to sit down with him and see where we stand”
- Arsene Wenger

“Scotland don’t have to score tonight but they do have to win”
- Billy McNeill

Also see: Part #5 – Part #3 – Part #2 – Part #1

“How is your leg?” - Reporter asking former Norwegian international Pål Jacobsen a few days after he amputated his leg

“We lost because we didn’t win.” - Ronaldo

“After 4 minutes of Read more!]]> “In the game between Sweden and Nigeria, Nigeria is leading by 1-0. Wait a minute, I’ve just received news that Sweden has equalized to 0-0.”
- Norwegian morning TV

“How is your leg?”
- Reporter asking former Norwegian international Pål Jacobsen a few days after he amputated his leg

“We lost because we didn’t win.”
- Ronaldo

“After 4 minutes of play the score is already 0-0.”
- Ian Darke, English commentator

“Winning does not mean that much as long as you win.”
- Vinnie Jones

“I have received 14 yellow cards this year. 8 of them has been my fault, but 7 has been dubious.”
- Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne

“The training camp in Spain was in Portugal somewhere.”
- Rolf Zetterlund, Swedish coach

“Correct me if I’m not wrong.”
- Hockey coach Christer Abrahamsson

“Let’s go out and do the warmup in rectangular circles.”
- Hockey coach Christer Abrahamsson

“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven.”
David Beckham

 ”I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”
Mark Viduka

 ”I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.”
Mark Draper

“I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.”
Ugo Ehiogu

 ”I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.”
Ian Rush

“These things happen. Over a season, y’know, you’ll get goals disallowed that are good, you’ll get goals that are good disallowed. It happens”
Kevin Keegan

 ”He’s not the Carl Cort we know he is”
Bobby Robson

 ”He’s the type of player the manager is either going to keep or not keep next season”
Alvin MArtin

 ”The FA Cup is still domestically the best cup in the world”
Glenn Hoddle

 ”It’s a tense time for managers. They have to exhume confidence”
Gary Lineker

 ”Riding that tackle, he wiggled his hips like a daisy in the wind”
Radio 5 Live

 Also see: Part #5 – Part #4 - Part #2 – Part #1

Unfortunately a bird, believed to be a house martin, was killed in the making of this clip.

This happened in the Australian Open in 2002, where tennis players Julien Boutter and Arnaud Clement were playing a doubles semi-final against Michael Llodra and Fabrice Santoro. At one point, Llodra struck a powerful forehand and the ball Read more!]]>

Unfortunately a bird, believed to be a house martin, was killed in the making of this clip.

This happened in the Australian Open in 2002, where tennis players Julien Boutter and Arnaud Clement were playing a doubles semi-final against Michael Llodra and Fabrice Santoro. At one point, Llodra struck a powerful forehand and the ball flew directly into the bird, instantly killing it. Llodra ran over to it in order to administrate mouth-to-mouth, but it was already to late. The only thing that remained doing was giving the bird it’s last rites, which Llodra promptly did, being joined in the instant funeral by the other 3 players.

Llodra and Santoro won the game.

Christiano Ronaldo, FIFA World Player of the Year 2008 and one of the most successful footballers in the game despite his young age, shows that any player can fail the easiest of goal scoring opportunities. This clip is from a Premier League game between Sheffield United and Manchester United in 2006, Ronaldo playing for Man. Read more!]]>

Christiano Ronaldo, FIFA World Player of the Year 2008 and one of the most successful footballers in the game despite his young age, shows that any player can fail the easiest of goal scoring opportunities. This clip is from a Premier League game between Sheffield United and Manchester United in 2006, Ronaldo playing for Man. United.